Finding Resilience in the Chaos with Blair Kaplan

Join us as Blair shares her incredible journey through multiple losses in the span of just a few short years. From her father's terminal diagnosis and her reconciliation with him and their relationship despite his addiction, to the unexpected loss of her pregnancy, her father in law, and her mother; saying goodbye to her dad at the end of all that. Blair talks with us about finding resilience and gratitude during the hard moments.

You can find Blair on IG @blairfromblairland, or at her website, the Global Resilience Project.com

Transcript

0:06

Hello and welcome to the grief trails podcast. I am your host, Amanda. Kernaghan from remember grams. A small business focused on helping you provide personalized and caring, grief support to the people in your life who need it. Visit our website to have a custom card made or a grief support box sent to someone you care about. Shipping within the U S has always free. Today's guest like so many of us. Thought her life was going to look one way and over the course of just a few short years, More things were different than remained the same. She says at one point, this was not the life that I had imagined. Blair Kaplan has an impressive bio. Being listed by USA today is one of the top 10 conscious female leaders and being named by Yahoo as a top 10 social media expert to watch. She's spoken on national stages and through a variety of well-known media outlets, such as Forbes and CBC radio, and her story will be showcased on Amazon prime videos. My story in late 2023. A podcast, host author and founder of the global resilience network. I think you'll find the most inspiring part of her to be how she has walked through a cascade of tragedies and into her present day. First Blair takes us back to before loss and tragedy or recurrent theme in her life. When she was a newlywed and dreaming of starting a family Okay.

Blair: 1:25

My husband and I at the time, we had only been married a few years. And we were trying to get pregnant, and we were living our best life in Pemberton, British Columbia, Canada, like up in the mountains. Things were really good, you know, traveling to see concerts and all of these things. And we had just gotten back from our rock and roll honeymoon. We went concert hopping. It was really fun around, like went to Vancouver and to, to Amsterdam and to Paris and traveled around and things were really good at the end of 2018. A few months after we got back we learned that my dad was terminally ill. Now, my dad and I had a really bumpy relationship. I was a daddy's girl growing up but I'm also the daughter of a man who lived with addiction. And his addiction was very bad. He and my mom divorced when I was seven. He was in and out of my life. He had a very successful business that he had to sell. So, I... I grew up hating him and then in my 20s, I just decided to accept him for who he was and forgave him for the way he was a parent and started a really beautiful relationship. And when I found out he was going to die at the end of 2018, I felt robbed, like he's gonna die and I finally have him back in my life. And it's interesting because I started telling our story. I started letting the skeletons out of the closet, per se. Like, I was just processing my emotions and, you know, talking to anyone who would listen about my forgiveness, his addiction, and our resilience, and what was happening was that we were creating this safe space for people to then share their story with me or choose sobriety. Or forgive a family member. And so, my dad and I were talking and I was like, you know what, what if we write a book? And we gather stories of resilience from around the world. And we bookend the book with your story and my story so when you're no longer here, our story can still help people. Wow. Yeah, so it's cool. Yeah, so I started the Global Resilience Project. But did I know that this was the only thing I was going to navigate? No. From launching the project in March 2019 until the book finally coming out in June 2022, not only did I navigate my father's end of life but my dad's dad, my grandfather died. He was like my father on the way home from his funeral, we got in a car accident on the highway and I got a concussion. Wow. A few months later, my husband almost died. He had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery. Wow. Yeah, he's fine now. How old was he

Mandy: 4:13

when that happened?

Blair: 4:14

Yeah, in his 40s, in his early 40s. He's type 1 diabetic so diabetics are more susceptible. It was very much out of nowhere. And then COVID happened. Then we learned while COVID happened, you know, I was going for fertility tests. We learned that I, you know, most likely wouldn't be able to get pregnant, which was like, very devastating, you know, grieving that, you know, all I've ever wanted was. To be mom, and then about a year after his heart attack, you know, we're still like in COVID, you know, are we still in it? I don't even know. And then So about a year after we weren't even trying to get pregnant'cause I had to go for tests and we got pregnant naturally, which was amazing. But we miscarried. And the day of the miscarriage right before I, it happened, or like right before like it, I was aware it was happening. We learned that my father-in-law had cancer three weeks after the miscarriage. My father-in-law died.

Mandy: 5:11

At this point, was your dad still alive, or had you met her? Yeah, my dad's

Blair: 5:14

still alive. He outlasted everyone. Wow. He's the, he's, yeah, so, my dad's still alive. And like, had a lot of his own challenges towards the end, well, his whole life, but towards the end. And I was his main person. Him, and like, luckily my aunt was, lived close by. We live in different cities, my dad and I, or lived in different cities. Okay. So I miscarried. And then three weeks later, Dave, my father in law passed away from a three week battle with cancer. And then three months later, my mother suddenly died after a three week battle with cancer. I know that's a whole nother journey and then within the same year of my mom dying, my dad died. My dad and mom died 360 days apart. So I didn't get the book out in time for my dad to see it because I was obviously navigating a lot of loss and within those losses, there's lots of stuff to grieve alongside the person. Or the people but the book finally did come out in June 2022, and it became an international bestseller on Amazon. And, you know, what, what started off as a book turned into a global movement and became, you know, we have a podcast and dark humor merchandise, and I'm a motivational speaker, and we're going to be sharing our story, you know, on television and all sorts of really beautiful things came from some very terrible things, but. Yeah, I had a few years of a lot of death, a lot of hospitals, a lot of rearranging life. Wow.

Mandy: 6:37

Yeah. What an incredible journey. How long? You said a few years. So in like, what is the timeframe of all of this happening?

Blair: 6:45

Yeah, so I learned my dad was gonna die at the end of 2018. He was given a year and a half, and he lasted three, or something. So, 2019 was the heart attack, and... Well, like, my dad passed away February 18th, 2022. Wow. So, like, as soon as we hit, February 18th, 2023, and I was like, oh my god, we went a whole year without someone dying. So it was like, when my dad died, I was just starting to be able to function again. And then that happened. And so, like, I was living in such a heightened sense of, like, trauma. Mm hmm.

Mandy: 7:26

It's totally, I'm sure you have all sorts of PTSD from just this repeated Bad news that has dropped on you and it seems like the time frames between Finding out something really terrible is going on and then actually losing that person has been really short

Blair: 7:43

Yeah, it's chaos. Like I'm in my 30s. I still am in my 30s. I was in my 30s It was and like it was also happening to my husband So it was, and my sisters, like my, my, my support network, my mom, my dad, my sister and my husband, like we were all going through it. It was, and it was a pandemic. Like when my mom died, like she lives, she lived in Winnipeg, Manitoba, like in the middle of Canada. And so I went to Winnipeg because. Like, she went into the hospital. Like, she wasn't terminal. She wasn't told she was terminal. She was like, oh, oh, we're gonna be fine. Like, there's chemo, everyone, like, the doctors did not say anything about, like, end of life. But she went into the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. And so, but it was the height of COVID. So, like, we couldn't leave our house. We had to quarantine. And we couldn't go to the hospital, which was fine because my mom eventually got out and then went back in. But then, like, people wanted to hug us, but wouldn't hug us. And we were dropping food off at our door, and, like, it was minus, like, 50, because it was the middle of winter. Like, minus 50 is the same, I think, in Celsius and Fahrenheit. It was, like, crazy. So, like, there's this whole other element of, like, going through all that, like, completely alone. Right. Or like, you know, without physical touch.

Mandy: 9:02

And it's interesting because you mentioned this, that you're going through it with your husband because some of this was your husband's losses and you said your father in law. So how, and the two of you were fairly recently married, it sounds like, when all of this started to snowball and happen. How was that on your marriage going through so many different losses together?

Blair: 9:25

Well, we had already been together for a while, like we just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary and we've been together 12 years. It was challenging because as soon as Shane's dad passed away, like, we lived in Pemberton, British Columbia, three and a half hours from Shane's parents. And as soon as his dad passed away, he's like, we need to move to Kamloops. Like, I need to go be, I need to live near my mom. And I was like, okay, we need a minute. Like, I got to unravel my business. I have a business and, and then my mom died. Which wasn't, like, we didn't know that was going to happen. It was very sudden and, you know, while I was in Winnipeg, my mother in law was in Pemberton packing up our house to get it ready to list so we can, sell it and move it. Now I have to also pack up my mother's house, my childhood home, and Sell it. And so I think what I think what happened was like, it was very hard for Shane and I to be there for each other. Because we were in our own traumas. We were literally both at war and losing limbs, like, literally. So I, we've had to work very hard to heal and we're, we're, we have made prog a lot of progress. But it's been challenging. Yeah.

Mandy: 10:31

It's, you know, I just think it's so hard. I think people don't always talk about or think about how like, sudden and severe trauma can really impact a relationship and it can test your relationship.

Blair: 10:43

Feel like, I feel like a lot of people I know who have gone through such significant loss, like not all the couples, but a lot of them, The relationship fails because they're not willing to work through it. And like, I almost gave up.

Mandy: 10:57

Yeah, either fails or just really struggles, I think. And it's just not talked about that often. I had no idea that something that like a death or something could really have an impact on a romantic relationship also. But you're going through such a hard time in yourself, it's hard for you to To give to the other person and then if both of you are going through your own traumas and your own situations, I, yeah, that's incredibly difficult

Blair: 11:24

and it was compound right like so Shane almost died. Then we had the miscarriage, which is both of us, but there wasn't even time to process it because that morning. Before the miscarriage, I was told that Dave had cancer and I should let Shane know. So now I'm having this miscarriage and then Shane has to come home and see me. And while I'm miscarrying, I have to tell him his dad has cancer. So that wasn't even like that itself is super messy. Yeah. And like, then Dave died 3 weeks later, but he was actually supposed to be on his way to chemo treatment. So, it was all chaotic and, you know, I don't blame anyone. Like, no one tells you how to navigate all this because of the project. I've been doing a lot of learning and research on resilience and navigating everything. So I had tools to. Like not numb the pain, but like I had tools to help me and like going back to my dad and his addiction when I learned he was going to die, I decided I need to cut out alcohol. It's a bridge to bad decisions. I can't navigate my dad's end of life like this. I knew that December 31st, 2018 would be my last big night. And then I woke up January 1st to an apology letter from my dad and I haven't had a drink since. And I think I owe a lot of me getting through all this. To my sobriety because to not feel what I've been feeling would have been a lot easier.

Mandy: 12:46

I can relate so much to so much of your story. My brother, I have an older brother with severe addiction issues has been my whole life and I lost my youngest brother to an overdose. So I definitely know about the coping with. Drugs and alcohol. And you know, that was actually our mother's sudden death was what pushed my younger brother into that addiction world and just trying to find a way not to feel all the pain. And as somebody who doesn't have an addiction, I was almost envious of that ability to be able to shut it off, right? Like to know that you could just numb it all out and not feel the intenseness of what was going on. But congratulations on your sobriety. I think it's incredible and more people need to talk about it.

Blair: 13:31

Thank you. Yeah, I think it's one of the biggest gifts and like the awareness I had about it. Like when Shane was in the hospital, I went to pick up some takeout food. I literally sat with him for three weeks beside his hospital bed and I remember I was at a bar like they're like, go wait by the bar and everyone was doing tequila shots. I'm like, Ooh, a tequila shot. That'd be just so good. It would just make me feel a little better. I didn't like there was a couple of times where like I was trying to beg my girlfriends and they would not let me. They're like, you've worked so hard, like right after my mom died. And there was a couple of times where I almost slipped and I didn't. But also just with all the loss, like my life changed. I never thought I would be a 38 year old sober childless parentless birdwatcher living in a semi desert small city in the middle of British Columbia. Like, this was not the life I imagined. I'm a motivational speaker who's like travels the world to help people strengthen their resilience muscle using, you know, scientific. research, but, and, and I'm a social media and publicity expert. Like this is not what I pictured when I was a little girl, like, and we're not going to have kids and this is our life. And, you know, it's, it's definitely interesting. That's for sure.

Mandy: 14:43

So talk to me about this idea of the book that you had with your dad. How did that come about? And I'm assuming he got to write his portion before he passed away, and what an amazing thing for you to have going forward. Did that give you some closure to the relationship the two of you had

Blair: 15:01

growing up? I made sure, like, when we learned he was terminal, like, I made sure that every time I saw him, that, like, if I were to leave him and never see him again, that I would have that closure. So, for me, like, I had that. We got to go to a Winnipeg Jets hockey game. It was his dream. He had never been. And I've always wanted to do something like that with my dad, but was never able to do any normal, like father daughter stuff, whatever normal is. So I got to do some stuff with him that were part of his dreams and have a couple moments of normalcy. So the book itself was a bonus and we definitely worked on his story. So it's a beautiful coffee table style book. It's called the global resilience project. You can get it on Amazon. We're working on our second book right now, which is super cool. And we're going to be handing out copies of the books at the Oscars in March in LA, like at a gifting lounge. We're going to be, we're supposed to be on prime, but there's a bit of a delay, but I think we're going to be on Apple TV, sharing our story and. Yeah. The way the book turned out. We have stories from all over the world. My dad's story there is about his addiction. The last story in there is about my forgiveness of him. And I think it's just a really beautiful way to wrap up his life. And I know, you know, I've, I had a family member ask me recently like, do you think you're ever gonna not talk about everything that happened? I was like, well, I don't talk about it unless it's like I'm on a podcast or I'm speaking about it. Like it doesn't, it's not all I talk about right? Like, I have this whole other layer of life. And the story that my dad shares is about his addiction and how he ruined his life, and I think it's so important, because a lot of times, people don't know they're slipping to that addiction, if that one person could read his story and realize, oh my god, like, me, like, I was scared I was gonna turn out like my dad, like, wasted potential, literally, and If someone could read that and their life changes because of it, that's what matters. And that's the goal of the book. It's to inspire people to navigate their challenges because the book is laid out where people share their stories of resilience and how they got through it and what their advice is for someone going through something similar. Yeah, that's so

Mandy: 16:58

important. And your dad, I'm assuming he got to see you choose sobriety and have like sustained sobriety for yourself. That's really special too. Did he, was he still in addiction like all throughout his life and into his diagnosis and everything or did he at one point? Oh, I think there was like

Blair: 17:19

very few moments of sobriety I mean, once I forgave him, he began his journey towards sobriety. Like he was very addicted to crack. It started off with cocaine and then injecting heroin and crack. So I think if I, I took him to his first recovery meeting or his first it was like Jewish AA. I took him to a Jewish AA meeting. We're Jewish. And in the meeting, he said it was his first meeting ever. Which I couldn't believe that I was the first one to take him like, yeah, bananas. And this was while he was terminal, like, you know so I think with him, he didn't really have the support he needed, but he, I guess, chose arm reduction. Maybe instead of doing one thing, he was doing something else, and he tried to quit smoking cigarettes many times, and towards the end, I, you know, I think when he's like, oh, I'm gonna die, like, whatever. It was just hard to watch. But he also had no money. It was just a, it was a messy situation, but addictions and illness.

Mandy: 18:19

Yes, and it is often messy. It's

Blair: 18:21

so messy. It's never not messy. It's messy. It's just really messy. And, you know, it's interesting. My dad didn't have very many belongings when he went into his palliative care before he died. And when he died, we, I opened up like the dresser and there was one drawer full of like, not full, but it was like his stuff. And it was. the Jew, like the serenity prayer in English and in Hebrew framed that we got, he got given to him at our, like his meeting, the meeting we went to and a Jewish AA 12 step book. Wow. And I just thought it was interesting that those are the belongings that he brought with him. Whether he ever opened that drawer or not, like, I don't think he left his bed, but those are the few things he kept.

Mandy: 19:01

Yeah. It shows how important that was, even if he wasn't able to achieve, you know, some level of sobriety that maybe the rest of society will look at and say, You know, that is sobriety. But you're right. I think harm reduction is also a part of making choices and taking steps towards that. And for him, that may have been what his success in that realm and taking some control back

Blair: 19:26

looked like. Yeah, definitely.

Mandy: 19:28

Yeah. And it's interesting too to think about with With this journey of multiple losses, it sort of started with your dad's diagnosis, and then ended with your dad's death, and in between, just had. Multiple, multiple

Blair: 19:43

hits. Yeah, it was a sandwich. A Leonard sandwich. Aww. You know, it's really interesting too because I wasn't going to work on a second book. It took a lot out of me while navigating all that. And then I finally went on a vacation with Shane, my husband. Our first one since our honeymoon because then, you know, the heart attack and all this stuff. And my mom came to me in a dream. And in my dream, she comes to me a lot she said to me that she was so proud of me and I was getting ready to put out my second book. So I woke up and I was like, okay, I'm putting out a second book. Yeah.

Mandy: 20:20

And let's talk about your mom a little, because with this tumultuous relationship you had with your dad growing up I'm assuming you had a different kind of relationship possibly with your mom and losing her fairly unexpectedly was probably extremely devastating. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Blair: 20:39

Yeah, so growing up, it was my mom, me and my younger sister, about three and a half years younger, four grades younger, and I was always extremely independent. My mom and my sister were very, I'd say, like, codependent. They were very, very close, and I was always very independent, like, I'm going to do what I want when I want, kind of like my dad. And so my mom and I had a really interesting relationship. We were kind of like sisters, but also mother daughter because, you know, she didn't have a partner. She never remarried. She did date, but she never remarried. So sometimes the conversations we had, I guess, like, I grew up really fast. Where I'll just leave that and it's interesting because the last couple of years before she died, our relationship got really good. I realized that she had a lot of trauma, a lot of trauma, and she never did any healing. And I'm a lot like my dad, and I think I triggered her a lot, like just by things I would do or say. And it was, yeah, interesting. The last few years of her life, we were, we were, we were really good. Like, we were getting along really good and really close. And she wasn't very old. She was 62. Like, people see pictures of us and they think we're sisters. They, you know, like, we can't, we couldn't see it. Like, they feel like you look exactly the same, but we can't see it. We do have a lot of the same mannerisms and stuff, but she was the cool mom, like, a belly button pierced and you know, growing up, we were always hung out in my basement and, you know, we were the, you know, my friends loved hanging out with my mom. Like, she was the cool mom. And I had a really pretty good with her growing up. Like, I'm a good kid. Like, I had a great education. I never skipped school, but like, I'm going to be out late. I'll tell you, I'll be home later and I'll tell you when and you know, like I was never you know, a bad kid, but like I did what I wanted. But when my mom got sick, it's interesting because she was pushing and pushing for tests because like, she didn't feel good. And eventually, she learned she had cancer. The doctor's like, you, you're going to be fine. Let's get you for a biopsy. And right before her biopsy, she ended up in the hospital because she had a tumor, like pressing on something, but they didn't know what type of cancer it was. They shouldn't have let her out of the hospital. They let her out of the hospital, but this time me and my sister are both now back in my hometown at my mom's house. She was gray and did not look okay, and she was in so much pain, and... There was a couple times that week she was like, I have to go back to the hospital. I'm in so much pain. I'm like, okay, let's pack your bag and go. And she's like, no, no, I don't want to go. And it's like, she knew something was not right. And then eventually I was like, let's make an appointment. Let's go see your doctor. And the doctor was like, you need to go back to the hospital. And she couldn't even get in my car. Like she had to go by ambulance because she needed fentanyl. And the doctor basically called me and was like, your mother's body is covered in tumors. We think it's pancreatic cancer, but without a biopsy, we can't confirm it. She has two weeks left to live. And she died

Mandy: 23:17

three days later. And what, you said this was during the height of COVID when there were a lot of restrictions on visitation?

Blair: 23:25

So we were allowed to be there. We were allowed to be with her. There was rules like only me and my sister, my aunt, and my uncle were allowed there. And like we couldn't be in the room at the same time until like we got called in. Like for the end. It's so weird. And it was actually really interesting, my sister and I found a lot of humor, like, it was not funny at all, but a couple weeks before, our dad, we thought he was gonna die, and he was actually at the same hospital in a palliative room, but he got kicked out because they caught him smoking a cigarette in the bathroom, and they're like, well, like, if you're smoking a cigarette, you don't need to be here, because he had COPD. And my sister and I were laughing about, how ridiculous it would have been if mom was in one room and dad was in the other. Oh, wow. It's just, like, our life is so crazy.

Mandy: 24:09

Yeah, sometimes you have to laugh at just the crazy happenings and all of these weird, unexpected circumstances.

Blair: 24:16

Yeah, so my mom, she was a dental hygienist, and it's interesting because she, like, almost the Place she was working almost hit her 30 years of being there. And it was really beautiful. Her colleagues, made a plaque and, like, stuck it outside her room that she would work in. And, yeah, and, we still have patients just finding out and, like, reaching out or leaving comments on her, online obituary. Like, my mom, some people, my mom cleaned their teeth for, like, 15, 20, 30 years, which is crazy because, like, do you know the name of your dental hygienist? Definitely not. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, she definitely left her impression on everyone and she spoke so highly of me and my sister all the time. Like, we had so many strangers reaching out who knew everything about us. You know, and yeah, it was just, it's so, like, comforting to know how loved mom was. It still feels surreal, like it's crazy. I had a dream the other night and my mom and dad were both in it and I was like, this is very weird. We were at a wedding. It was a very elaborate dream, but they come to visit me in my dreams and I take that as them visiting me and I, I feel signs from them all the time. It's my reality.

Mandy: 25:29

Yeah. No, I'm a big believer in all of that. I don't get dreams nearly as often as I wish I would. I don't know what that means. Like. My mind or my aura is closed off to people, but when I do get them, it's like really special. That's amazing. So Let's talk about the miscarriage because that happened in the middle of everything else happening. And so, like you said, you didn't even have time to process what was happening to you and to your husband. When were you able to really come to terms with that? And I know you, I heard you mention that the two of you have decided to not have children. So it looks like, you know, you've put that fertility stuff all to the side and decided that's not the right path for you. So can you talk about how that came to be?

Blair: 26:15

So, during the three weeks between the miscarriage and Dave dying, I feel like I processed all of that. We didn't process it together, but I processed it, and I was like, it was obviously very devastating, and I couldn't believe it happened. I didn't think it was, gonna happen to me, and it did. In hindsight, like, it's really good that I wasn't pregnant while navigating Dave, my mom and dad, all dying. Like, really good. I got to be more with them more and whatnot. And the one thing that got me through the grieving of the miscarriage, like, that experience, was knowing that my body can make a baby. And I was like, okay, well, we can do this. Like we can get pregnant. This is great. And when Dave passed away, Shane looked at me and was like, I don't know if we should have kids. My dad's not here. And I was like, no, we can do it. Like, we can do it. We have my mom, we have my dad, which my dad, whatever we have my mom and with your mom and let's do it. It's going to be great. And then when my mom died, The idea of being a mom died with her, and I didn't even feel like I needed to grieve that. Like, I just kind of felt a weight lifted off of me. Wow.

Mandy: 27:22

Yeah. That's powerful because it makes you wonder if that was already something inside of you, if it felt like a weight coming off.

Blair: 27:29

Yeah, I mean, like, it made me realize a lot of me being, wanting to be a mom had to do with being with my mom. Like, going on trips with her and spending time with her and, you know, I know we can't control what happens, but I grew up with my grandma, one's about to turn 90 and she's still alive, and the other one made it to, I think, 91 or 92. Like, I grew up with my grandparents, so I pictured that for my kids, and I didn't once think, oh my god, my mom's gonna get sick and die. Like, I pictured, okay, well, you're gonna live till you're 90, whatever, as well, because you know, My grandma, she had a diet of Chinese food and chicken fingers and smoked like a chimney. And I was like, she lived to her nineties. So my mom was a lot healthier or not, apparently, but you know, and so. And yeah, and Shane and I talked about it like with his age and my age and just not with the support we, you know, don't have and we're just gonna live our life and I could be a mother in a different way and help empower and inspire more people. In a different way than I could if I had a child right now. Yeah.

Mandy: 28:28

So through all of this, it was like three, three and a half years. It sounds like of just one thing after another, what helped you get through that, especially considering the isolation that you were also going through through COVID? Like, are there any specific things that really helped you move through the grief of it

Blair: 28:45

all? A couple things. Like I knew that I needed time. I knew that eventually I would start to feel better. Because, you always do, like, you always eventually start to feel better. I did a lot of work on journaling and meditating and self care, like, it was good that it was COVID because I stayed home, like, I didn't have to run around and I didn't, you know, travel for work and, you know, running a business and going through all that's very challenging. But I also started doing something in 2016 that I kept doing and it's I have a gratitude practice, so every day at 9pm my gratitude alarm goes off and I practice three things, practice by listing three things I'm grateful for from the past 24 hours. And because the science says if you do that for at least 21 days, the neural pathways in your brain change to see the world in a more positive way. So, we made sure to keep doing that. We did it every day in the hospital when Shane was there. We did it the night before my, the night my mom went to sleep for her final time. Me, my mom, and sister did it. The day my dad passed away, me, my aunts, my grandma, my sister, we did it. We all stood around and did it at my aunt's house. Like, There's always something to be grateful

Mandy: 29:51

for. I love that you do it with other people too. Yeah. Many people have a gratitude if they do have a gratitude process. I think it's often for themselves, like in a journal or something. But the fact that you're doing this with the people that are surrounding you means you're also giving that to them and having that impact on their life. I love that.

Blair: 30:11

Yeah, so I think those are some of the things. I mean, when my mom died, I was, I was very lost, like, very lost. And I just was in survival mode because it wasn't just her dying, it was, like, selling her house, selling my house in Pemberton, moving. I was very ungrounded and... Yeah, I, I did some healing work and I took what I learned during those, that's those healing sessions. And I, I really made sure I practiced my integration. And one of the biggest thing is, is for me, it was journaling and like how I start my day. Yeah.

Mandy: 30:46

And so now you're doing this work all around resilience. Can you just talk a little bit about you know, what have you learned about resilience? What would you share with listeners? How is this coming up in the work you're doing now?

Blair: 30:58

Well, we all have a resilience muscle and there are things you can do to strengthen it. So when life gets hard, you have the strength to move through the challenge a lot faster, a lot more gracefully. And there's a lot of different things you can do. The gratitude practice is one of them. And so, you know, someone might hear my story or your story and be like, I don't know how I'd survive it. You will because nothing is given to you that you can't handle and you will get through the hard times and it's going to feel like it'll never end, but it will. It always will. The good times and the bad times and like, that's just the cycle of life. But from all the stories I'm gathering, there is a common thread and it is that mindset mindset is a huge part of overcoming a challenge. You know, maybe it's you're listening to motivational speakers or luminaries, or you change the way you think you believe you can get through it. You find a higher power, whatever it might be, but your mind is so important. What you think is so important, and it's the common denominator amongst most of the people who share their stories about how they got through their challenge. And so what can you do to help you with your mindset? What can you do to prepare for when it's hard or get through what you're going through right now?

Mandy: 32:16

Which is so important because everyone's going to go through something devastating and really truly hard. And even if everything has seemed like, Oh, you know, I've had a pretty good so far and nobody gets out unscathed, and yeah, get doing what you can to prepare mentally for something like that. That's great. Yeah. Thank you. So you said you have a podcast also. What's the name of the podcast? Oh, it's called

Blair: 32:41

Radical Resilience.

Mandy: 32:44

And I mean, your story is incredible and inspiring despite how devastating it's been. I really love hearing about your dad. I think the complexities there of relationships when someone in a family has an addiction or. They're so nuanced and I think more people can relate to that than we realize, you know, in everyday life, you walk around the grocery store and just have no idea how many people have had some kind of experience like, like we have. And so I appreciate you talking about what that journey has been like with him. And it kind of sounds like a beautiful, a beautiful way where it was those few years for you started and ended with him.

Blair: 33:27

And,

Mandy: 33:27

Yeah. So where can people find more, where can they find your book or more about you? And. You're, yeah,

Blair: 33:34

so our website is the global resilience project.com. Our book is the Global Resilience Project available on Amazon or through our website, which links to Amazon. If you're interested in like learning a bit more about me, you can@blairkaplan.ca. And I'm on all the social medias cause that's my day job. My Instagram's my jam and you can find me there at Blair from Blair land.

34:00

Thank you so much for listening to the show today. I hope you feel renewed in your own power to find resilience during life's most challenging times. One of my favorite quotes from my interview is when Blair said. She is a 38 year old sober childless parentless. Birdwatcher living in a semi-desert small city in the middle of British Columbia. And how it is so far from what she had imagined. It makes me laugh, thinking about that because life is just like that sometimes. It takes us unexpected places and unconventional ways. And somehow we make it to the other side and look at what and who we are with a little bit of awe who would have guessed. While now we are on our third episode of season two. I realized I completely forgot to leave you with a writing prompt as we close the first few episodes of this season. Luckily Blair's interview has a natural lead in for a prompt. I encourage everyone to do this one. Whether you write it or speak it. But here it goes. List three things. You're grateful for the happened in the past 24 hours. See, if you can incorporate a practice like this into your life. To exercise that resilience muscle. And until next time thank you for listening subscribing and sharing if you'd like to support the show check out, remember grams and keep us in mind anytime you want to show someone support through a last thank you and have a great day